what a weekend......

this is where we ended up Sunday night/Monday morning

(Chris was so sweet to take care of not only the baby but me all weekend..he is a great daddy and husband!)

we have not detailed all the happenings on the blog with foster care because it is just that, way too many ups and downs to write. and i do hope that some of these memories will fade and be just that, a memory and not a painful reality. this weekend is one that i do not think i can forget.

i was emotionally exhausted before friday even got here because of the worry and distress about baby K's first overnight with his birth mom; in rehab, with a roommate, new place, a new person and when bio mom was really unprepared. the caseworker disagreed and really did not want this to take place, we of course did not want this to happen but when the judge orders it; we have to do it. after dropping the baby off and having her rip him out of our arms screaming we were feeling awful about the next 24 hours. so Chris and i went to the temple which was exactly what we needed. at one point both of us felt that something was wrong but we have no way of knowing what that was. we slept (kinda) and stayed really busy satuday morning before picking him up.

when we got there he was not just asleep but passed out dead tired in the stroller. bio mom said everything went perfect! he however, did not wake up when we moved him, he did not wake up when we put in the car seat, he did not wake up for an hour after we got home and since he usually takes a 12:00 bottle we tried really hard to wake him up at 1:00 to eat. But he threw up and continued to throw up. He was so tired and went right to sleep and after not keeping anything down, slept for 5 hours. We got worried because we had not seen a wet diaper so we woke him up or tried and fed him again. More throw....we called the after hours clinic. no help! actually the nurse was really rude. And this pattern continued through the night. sleep, worry, try to wake up, fed, throw up. Sunday more of the same and finally after more calls to the nurse and no wet diaper we headed into the ER.

I tried to keep the details simple because there is so much more that goes into this. Everyone reassures us that things went perfectly with bio mom and she did everything right! Even explaining that it must be a coincidence that the baby got sick the exact moment he came home. I hate not knowing what happened and the worst part is we get to do it all over again this Friday!

It is already Tuesday and I am spent. We so much appreciate the emails, calls and messages!! We know that things for us would have been more difficult to handle without your support and love. I know there are things that could be much worse and I am sorry to vent and complain. There are just so many emotions that go with what happened this weekend. We love this baby and worry about what will happen to him and to us since the plan is for him to be reunited.