Friday, October 15, 2010

there is enough love

some days I wonder if I have it in me to do this. today was one of those reality check days where I felt like I have no say and no control in any of it.
And I was really mad!
I show up for the bio mom visit with the baby and there is no worker to supervise their time together (mom needs support in feeding and caring for the baby..yes). So we wait, call the worker, call the visitation team and they inform me that no, there will be no worker. Mom is on her own and the courts have decided it is time. We did know this was coming but one could have called us, warned me. So I had to just leave him there all alone with her and hope that she had learned all that she needs to with the 8 months of visitation workers from the past. Ah! I know not really a big deal because truly she is his mother and should know what to do but it feels like a big step. And I got upset about no one even letting us know this step would happen. (and there it is my pride!)
So I am recognizing that Heavenly Father is watching over all of us and I will move on and press forward. I re-read through the words of a favorite hymn after our stake conference
Lean on my ample arm,
O thou depressed!
And I will bid the storm
Cease in thy breast.
Whate'er thy lot may be
On life's complaining sea,
If thou wilt come to me,
Thou shalt have rest.
If thou wilt come to me,
Thou shalt have rest.
Lift up thy tearful eyes,
Sad heart, to me;
I am the sacrifice
Offered for thee.
In me thy pain shall cease,
In me is thy release,
In me thou shalt have peace
In me thou shalt have peace
And it reminded me that there is enough my own heart, for bio mom, for this baby and most importantly for me, enough love to overcome all of these pains and well comfort me and help me overcome these feelings. There is enough love and it will cover all of these difficult and heartaching moments. Turn to it and move one! Or maybe submit and press forward.


Becky said...

Oh Lisa - I love you.

Jodie said...

You are so very loved!

Jared-n-Krystal said...

You are in our thoughts and prayers.